So far I've had another solid week of training. No class = free time + lots of sun = time outside. I've been out on the bike three times, and been on two 5 mile runs (which is HUGE for me!). Today it's supposed to rain so I'm planning on hitting the pool finally.
I finally feel like I'm getting ready for Hy Vee. I figure that if I can go each distance separately in the disciplines then I'll survive stringing them together. I will continue to do bricks though, to train my leg muscles. I'm getting excited for my first race, which is just over 3 weeks away.
As I was running yesterday my mind began to wander, as it often does. I started thinking about where I've been and where I'm going regarding my athletic ability, why I'm working to be a triathlete after years of dormant athletic activity, and what my ultimate goal in this process is.
As a kid, I was active enough playing lots of sports at mediocre levels. I excelled at swimming, but quit early in high school for several reasons. I screwed up my ankle a year after quitting swimming but joined the tennis team anyway, for no real reason other than I wanted to stay active. By this time my eating habits caught up with me and I was starting to look quite "round". My senior year of high school I started losing weight by working out out more often and stayed like that well through college. Last summer I was starting to get bored again of just working out for no real reason other than keeping weight off so I could enjoy my pints of Ben and Jerry's.
That's when I got into triathlons. As I was running yesterday I was thinking about what exactly I was doing working to become a triathlete. Do I have enough drive to really excel and become a winner, someone who is obsessed with numbers and data? Who knows. Do I want to devote my training to working towards the big kahuna of a race in Kona? I could.
The truth is that I'm a closeted competitive person. Much more than people may realize. I want to win anything from a card game to a board game to a sports game. When I was younger my competitiveness mixed with my stubbornness would often get me in trouble, starting fights and arguments. So I stopped competing.
So what am I doing in triathlons? Am I in it to win it? No.
I'm competing against myself and no one else. If my numbers drop its because I'm getting better for myself and not the competition around me. If my numbers don't drop, that's ok too. I'll treat myself to a pint, and go back out next time. And because I'm not competing against others, I've found myself enjoying it more than I have ever enjoyed sports.
I don't care if it takes me 50 minutes to run 5 miles, because I know that last year I would have scoffed at the idea of running even 2 miles. I also found that I don't care if I'm the last person to cross the finish line. Some one has to. I might as well be that person because I know that I was still out there, even if I wasnt the fastest. I was there and to me, that counts for something.
To my closteted competitive self I say: hope you're having fun in that closet, because this isn't an arena in which I want to release you, or at least all of you. You tend to ruin things for me, and my trithalon seasons I want to savor.
I may not be in it to win it, but I will have just as much fun as the person who did.
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